Process of Eating a Chipotle Barbacoa Burrito

Step 1:

After ordering, wrangle your beast over to a table. Slowly unwrap the monstrosity. Let it sit and soak up the "Ooooh's" and "Ahhhh's" from the onlookers. Get up and get a lot of napkins. Slowly let out a comforting belch. Return to your saddle.


Step 2:

Grab the burrito with your left hand, somewhere near the bottom. Place your right hand underneath where you are going to take bites (this may be switched do to handedness). Stare the bull in the face and use your mind to let it know that it is about to be slain.


Step 3:

Clench your fangs above your right hand, into the burritos tightly wrapped tortilla (remember to bite hard, because it will lash back). Tear fully through the tortilla. Continue this process until you reach your right hand. Upon this happening, slide your hand down the burrito to avoid being bitten. Keep doing this until the burritos innards begin to spew from within.


Step 4:

When the innards have properly been spilled onto the wrapper inside the basket which once held the monster, place the burrito back in it's original starting place. Swallow whatever bite you have. Stare at that mother fucker and tell him to GO TO HELL!

Step 5 & 6:

Grab "Chips" bag. Remove three to five chips. Begin to scoop some of the burritos innards onto the chip. Eat until mainly tortilla is left.

Step 7:

When there is mainly tortilla sitting inside the basket, with the beasts insides lying all around it, grab the fork again. Begin shoveling the tortilla in your mouth. Don't get too much though. This is a high risk task, and thou must take caution. Take breaks to chew and taunt the remains of the demon food.

Step 8:

Whence tortilla is gone, take a second and ponder at what's left. Get the mindset that the battle is near an end. Grab five to seven chips. Go for the backdoor scoop and scoop remains onto the fork. Continue this process until burrito is gone.





Well, the task has been handled. How do you feel? Rise up, and lift your arms into the air! Exclaim to the world the feat you have just overcome! Let them know, that any burrito, of any land may wish to bring fear among eaters everywhere, but you, Champion of All will conquer that bitch!


This blog is dedicated to Dave Cawall. Nice work :)